2021.10.18 06:25 ToM-S0301 I've lost myself
Sorry for typos and grammar, I'm writing this on my phone at 6 am and I'm not a native English speaker
To put context to my current situation, I'm a 20 year old university student, living alone in a small dorm room. At 15 I've smoked for the first time and for the last ~2 years I've been smoking almost daily, maybe here or there I've been taking a day or two off, the longest I've made it without was 2 weeks (if there has been a longer period I at least don't remember it), but overall you could say that I smoke daily. For the last ~3months I've had like unlimited free time because I got lucky and I could finish all my exams and term papers early into the "exam phase"(?), which probably sounds REALLY nice at first, but it's not if you're clinically depressed and addicted. Smoking, lately, makes my depression worse instead of the usual "forgetting" it for an hour or 2 after I smoked. To make it short, I'm somewhat in a hole I don't really know how to get out of.
So with the next semester starting in a week I decided, yet again, to take a break from smoking. I know I won't be able to handle university the way I want to handle it while smoking with the mental state I'm in but this whole situation is just so overwhelming in a way, that I don't even know how long I want this break to last or better said, how long I can make it last and what I'm even doing it for. Am I doing it for my tolerance because I don't even really feel high anymore, even after smoking a whole fat joint alone by myself? Is it because I neglect going to the gym, which I always liked doing, usually no matter how depressed I was and I kinda wanna know if that's on the weed or on the depression getting worse? Is it because I neglect and boycott my entire self whenever I spiral down that wake-up-and-start-smoking-immediately-and-smoke-one-more-every-2-to-4-hours lifestyle?
Maybe after staying sober for longer than a day I'll actually know what direction I want this post to go :')
I guess I just need to get off my chest that I'm afraid of the insomnia that comes with the withdrawal which I have experienced already, which was arguably even worse than my long lasting depression by itself, that I'm afraid that I won't know what to do with myself when I'm sober and bored, that I'm afraid of what my depression will feel like when I stop having this 24/7 brain fog and that I'm afraid that this shit is all for nothing and that I will look at this post, embarrassed at myself after I've lit the first joint at 10 am, before I even brushed my teeth.
I could go on and on and on about what internal conflict I'm confused about or what's scarring me but I think by now you all get the point and writing these thoughts is incredibly hard for me because I never share any bad feelings and emotions with anybody, so it's months and years of thoughts and feelings I try to word somewhat understandable and clear while not accidentally writing 10 pages of self loathing monologue.
If you have a similar story to share or any piece of advice (other than "it'll become easier with time" etc. because I know it does but getting there is now harder for me than it ever has) I'd be really glad to read that, thank you
And before anyone starts wondering, yes, I know this is more than any reddit advice could fix properly and yes, I've had- and I'm again looking for professional help from a therapist.
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2021.10.18 06:25 Swimming_Initial_758 Holy shit my crush wants to go out with me
2021.10.18 06:25 Puzzleheaded_Fox9828 While trying to help cut wood
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2021.10.18 06:25 Bzoombini856G I put together a 2 weeks to 2 years progress video
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2021.10.18 06:25 TheRealVodin [NA] Looking for people to play ranked or ARAM's with. I'm Gold Add meee!
2021.10.18 06:25 Throwout1312 23/M- I can’t sleep so I want to know your deepest darkest secrets or what’s on your mind!
Have something on your mind you wanna share? I’m here and all ears! Ha see what I did there? Anywho. If you have a secret you wanna tell, or if you just wanna rant about some thing that’s buggin ya I would love to listen!
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2021.10.18 06:25 Cody_Rhodes Bill Bailey's tribute to fellow comedian and friend Sean Lock
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2021.10.18 06:25 1cptawesome why do people make chicken spicy theory
To clarify, everywhere you go that serves chicken always has some big "spicy chicken whatever" when there are so many more appealing flavors. Why isn't the "savory chicken whatever" the commonality? Why's it got to be spicy?
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2021.10.18 06:25 CSGamer1000 When you do AR and find a black eagles fan
2021.10.18 06:25 LeyLei I am looking for a real sugar parent who only uses Cashap❤❤ DM me for more details
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2021.10.18 06:25 GamersLaboratory Batman Arkham Knight - Cloudburst Boss Fight
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2021.10.18 06:25 Johannlaji0902 Hardik Pandya believes that Keiron Pollard is Indian at heart
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2021.10.18 06:25 GodVulc4n Bending Time and Space!
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2021.10.18 06:25 tucson1016 kamen rider fan revice episode 7 kamen rider revice jackal stamping finish
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2021.10.18 06:25 kingbane2 what happens when i max out the shadow soul ability?
2021.10.18 06:25 Diablo2Addict I just found a Ber
2021.10.18 06:25 Ok_Board9424 You mean I am not Getting Rich over Night ?? American Shiba Dog Coin !
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2021.10.18 06:24 One-Awareness9491 How to turn bmi lower/ where to start in fitness
So I’m (f17) currently trying to lose weight. I’m at 5’1 165lbs right now, aiming for 130 and currently doing waterfasts/intermediatefasting.(hopeful for a lower number but I want a reasonable goal because let’s be real, I’ll be mega happy being 130 from 180) my bmi is pretty high, I’m a soft kinda person and not so such toned. I really don’t like bulky or big muscles, just enough to give my body more of a firm look for after I shed the extra weight. Also more of a flat stomach. I don’t know where to begin for exercises, what are good things that aren’t too advanced but can still help with muscle. (I can buy resistance bands or weights and I currently own a bike but not sure if that helps. Gym isn’t an option)
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2021.10.18 06:24 nothumankid My beloved Mango Cookie is my strongest boi
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2021.10.18 06:24 Cool_Bhidu What is difference between Beliefs, spirituality and superstition?
I am a Hindu. I am not a religious person, but I do follow it whenever I can.
Recently I see many people around me - my relatives and my parents - forcing false beliefs and wrong practices upon me and my siblings. Like my sister is not allowed to go in kitchen when she has her periods, we are not allowed to question any wrong practices of elders, my cousin is being married off at the age of 20 and many such things..
Whenever I try to have logical arguments, they rule them off by saying this is what Hinduism is, and they try to have verbal arguments that "I am doomed because I don't follow their religion".
Now How do you guys separate beliefs and superstitions? How to teach my parents that what they are following is not actual hinduism? Are there many such people in India who confuse what religion is and superstitions are?
I know there many other religions who are more backward than Hinduism but I dont want to get any political. I just want a solution to my problem, that's what I care the most.
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2021.10.18 06:24 sevae The Word for World is Forest (Hainish Cycle) by Ursula K. Le Guin (Multiple formats and DRM-free, $2.99)
2021.10.18 06:24 kareem978 .
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2021.10.18 06:24 Sketzu Military.Finance to Launch Collection of Historically Significant NFT’s To Preserve Our Nation’s History in The Blockchain
Museums and veteran media personalities giving life to our countries most significant moments and people in support of our veterans
ALEXANDRIA, Va., Oct. 13, 2021 /PRNewswire/ -- Military.Finance supports Veterans benefit projects while making valuable contributions to historical national heritage and contemporary pop culture. To date, the community has donated $70,000 to veteran charities and injected over $15,000 directly to veterans and soldiers that were in need. Military Finance (token symbol $MIL on Binance Smart Chain) art pieces are publicly verifiable digital assets minted on the Ethereum blockchain.
The Official NFT Presidential Series - Launching Halloween Night
The first fine art collection being minted is "The Presidents" series. The first of these commemorative limited edition non-fungible tokens (NFTs) will be a fully original digitally painted and animated portrait of George Washington with contemporary and historical cues. "We're excited about the Presidential Series because of who and what they represent," said Shawn Burst, one of the first admins in the community. "We've taken a lot of time and research, collaborating with very talented artists in order to create something authentic, thoughtful, unique, and inspiring." The Presidential Series will release its first NFT at the end of October, honoring George Washington and his many achievements. The NFTs for this series will include additional unique materials including anything from premium content, to exclusive access to high-profile media personalities, to merchandise and swag commemorating the NFT. Ownership and authenticity of Military Finance NFTs are publicly verifiable by anyone with an internet connection. Transfer of ownership by gift, donation, auction, or public and private sale is immediately accessible anywhere in the world, at any time by virtue of the Ethereum blockchain, a globally decentralized immutable ledger. Military Finance raises funds to support its mission for supporting Veterans benefit projects from initial sales of these commemorative pieces, and from commissions on sales at the NFT exchange platform opensea. For more information, visit Military.Finance and follow the project on popular social media platforms with convenient hyperlinks at https://www.Military.Finance. SOCIAL LINKSTelegram: https://t.me/Mil_Finance_NFT Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/Mil_FinanceReddit: https://www.reddit.com/Military_Finance/new/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/military.finance/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/militaryfinancetoken MEDIA CONTACTCompany: Military.Finance Contact Name: Shawn Burst Address: 2121 Eisenhower Ave Arlington, Alexandria, VA 22314, USA E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Website: https://www.military.finance/
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2021.10.18 06:24 seriouslydavka Anyone here in the US and on Marplan?
I’m just curious is Marplan is being actively prescribed in the US again and if so, when did it start? Was it just as easy to get prescribed and descended as Parnate/Nardil? Does your insurance cover it? Etc.
I always figured that if Parnate didn’t work for me, my next option would be Nardil but if people are actively getting Marplan in the states, I’d opt for that before Nardil.
Any info would be great.
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2021.10.18 06:24 sfree79 [WTS] Arc’teryx Alpha FL Jacket Men’s L Labyrinth $300
Used on one trip and I need something with pit zips. In excellent condition and holes or tears.
Model: Arc’teryx Alpha FL Jacket
Size: Men’s Large
$300 shipped to CONUS +3% PP G&S
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